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    January 20

    活着不容易

          好久没有来这里坐坐了,因为工作的原因。
         教师——一个被大多数人羡慕不已的职业,它居然选择了我,从此我的苦难生活也开始了……
         备课、录课、上课、管理班级、开会……每天都被这些琐事所累,体重直线下降,也许你会说“多好,就当减肥了”,我宁愿胖到130斤,不穿好看的衣服,我也不想受这个罪!半年的试用期,我以为时间会很快过去,可是这半年我过的太漫长。6个人经过考核打分,最终全部通过。根据一些现象,我猜测到了自己的排名,第三,6个人来说我排中间,班主任里我排最后。我对自己的要求就是不当那个第一个也不当那个最后一个。其实,有时候想不明白,在日常的教学中,另外两个班主任做的不如我,可是每次的月考核他们的分都比我高,我也不计较了,只是觉得奇怪,呵呵……但是在最后一次的期末考试中,我的成绩上来了,数学全年级第二,语文全年级第三(全年级5个班)对于这样的成绩我挺满意的了。
         在这半年中,真是吃了从没吃过的苦,受了从没受过的气,累了从没累过的累,身心俱具疲!恋爱还没谈,皮肤黄了,嗓子哑了,出现黑眼圈了,脾气坏了,这样的一个我,谁能要?……我对自己的未来没有信心……我甚至有点恐惧!
         工作了,挣钱了,可以减轻家里负担了,最开心的还是生我养我的爸妈!女儿经过努力,终于有了稳定的工作,在这样一个漂浮不定的社会,我还是可以算作是小资吧?为了父母,我不能放弃,虽然这个痛苦的过程只有我知道。现在我才明白,人活着不能只想自己,一家人要永远在一起,活着有太多的无奈,不是我在生活,而是我在适应生活。
         我想对生活笑,因为我知道它是一面镜子,我想让生活对我也笑。可是我需要时间,需要力量,需要……

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